Tuesday, December 23, 2008

How Sarah made the big time

And now the story can be told. How Sarah Palin got on the ticket.
Want to hear the real story of how Sarah got to be Big John's VP pick? Can't yet tell whether she's just a flash in Big John's pan or Big John is a flash in hers. Election 2012Of course we'll know when the candidates comes out swinging in 2012 and we're reminiscing about the crash of '08.

John McCain's sitting in a booth with wife Cindy and campaign manager Rick Davis at T-Bones Steakhouse and Saloon in Lake Wylie, S.C, TBones Logo " Hey Rick, where's that VP list?", "over
here Big John" Rick hands him the list. Big John ponders the list of names. Who was it gonna be? Could it be Mitt? or Tom Ridge? How about Joe Lieberman? Tim Pawlenty? How about Condy Rice? Colin Powell? Oh man, how we gonna figure this out. "Hey Rick, Anybody got phone numbers for these guys? I better start calling. May as well start at the top." Big John reaches for the phone. "Mitt? Is that you Mitt? Yeah, you're at the top of my list! Don't worry about that stuff. They misquoted me. I said Mormonites, not Moron-ites. Bygones. So, how about it? What do you mean? Yeah, I read the Articles of Faith. Yeah, I can be honest and benevolent and all that stuff. No, really! What do you mean you're busy. Aw forget it."

"Hey Rick, who's next on the list. Condy? Are you there. It's John. John. John McCain. No, I'm not kidding. It's really me! Alright, call me back." Phone rings. "Condy? See, it was me. So, what I was calling about. Yeah, its the VP thing. You're the one. Top of the list. Condy, I'm being honest here. You've been the one all along. To have and to hold, my partner in the big house. Not like Dick Cheney. Where's Dick been lately? Probably out hunting. Better look out. George's been carrying the ball by himself. Would I make something like this up? No way. Condy, this is the real thing. What do you mean you heard that line in high school. Condy I need you. I want you. You're a woman and you're black! So what if we disagree a little on the platform. I just need you standing up there next to me. Yeah, kind of like a anti-Hillary. Let me get this straight, you don't think I'm going doing this for the right reasons? Hey, now there's a line that Carol gave me back in my courtin' days. Oops, sorry Cindy. Yeah, I know I promised never to mention that woman. Aw, this is too hard. Condy, just forget it. Thought I could do you a favor."

"Hey Rick, who's next on the list. What happened to those ribs?" Looks down at the list. Sucks a rib. Grabs the phone, "Joe? Hey, Joe my friend, how about it? You know what I mean. Yeah, for the Republican party. So you strayed for a while. You're a great Republican. Nobody's gonna
Joe in happier timesremember the last time you were running for VP, with Al Gore. Glad that's over. And forget that Connecticut for Lieberman stuff, that was years ago. Yeah. I want you to run with me. We'd be a great team. What do you mean you're tired. You're just a kid. I got ten years on you. My ticker's been missing a couple of beats every once in a while. With any luck, you could get to be president too. You don't want it to happen that way? You think the job's gonna be too tough. Damn straight it's gonna be tough. But the perks? George Jr. is making a fortune off of this gig. Yeah his dad too. You don't need the money? Everybody needs money; what are you talking about? Aw, this is too hard. Forget it."

Hey Rick, I'm getting kinda wore out here. We're just about outa names. And I'm not calling that Ron Poole guy. Who's left? Sarah who? Where's that? No, what is it. Oh you mean it's a town. Wasilla? Never heard of it. Alaska? The governor? She's a woman. Wow. Is she black? What do you mean she hunts. With a gun? You're putting me on. Moose? Holy mackerel, the NRA guys are gonna love me.
Sarah and the moose Rick, you're a genius. This gal is pure gold! Let's call her up." Hands Cindy the ribs, retrieves the phone, "Who's this? Piper? What kind of a name is Piper? Oh, you're her daughter! This is Mr. McCain. No I'm not calling about the museum. Or the bridge. McCain. John McCain. I'm running for president. Look, is your mother home? I did say so. Oh just put her on the phone. Hello? Sarah? This is John, John McCain. Yeah, the candidate. So I was talking to the brain trust here. You know, trying to work out who would help the ticket. And your name came up. Really. Sarah, I am not one of Todd's buddies down at Tailgaters. Ok, call me back. Here's the number. I'm not at home; we're sitting here at T-Bones Steakhouse. Hey Rick, what town is this? Lake Wylie in South Carolina. Great ribs. So, call me back!" Puts the phone down, starts on another rib. Phone rings. "Yeah, its me. I want you to run with me. Honest. OK, forget that, but I do want you to run with me. And you can have time off for the annual Moose run."